Without a Doubt
by anotherpassionatefangirl
Summary: What Dimitri and Rose have can't be broken, not even through death. Nothing can ever erase their connection with each other; nothing can ever break their love for each other. So when Dimitri faces the hardest struggle he's ever had, he learns a few realizations. Nothing can ever truly separate Rose from Dimitri. Rated T for violence and other stuff. Reviews are always appreciated!
1. Chapter One

**A/N**

This fanfic takes place around the end of Shadow Kiss.

Full summary is below, and this story is mainly in Rose's POV.

Don't forget to review at the end, thanks! =)

* * *

**_-Full Summary-_**

_Dimitri is Rose's other half. She knows without a single doubt that she loves him with her entire being. _

_She couldn't bear it if something happened to him. _

_But what would she do if she had the chance to save him when he started to fall? She wouldn't hesitate, that's for sure._

* * *

Dimitri was in danger. _My_ Dimitri was in danger.

I and most of the other dhampirs and Moroi had just barely escaped the caves the Strigoi had taken captive of dhampirs and Moroi in.

"NO!" I screamed as I watched with utter horror the Strigoi sinking his disgusting fangs in Dimitri's neck.

I struggled against my mom and Stan, who were restraining me.

I managed to squeeze out from under their hands and ran with all my strength towards the caves.

I staked the first Strigoi who blocked my way and managed to jerk the idiot Strigoi off of Dimitri. The blonde Strigoi growled at me.

I tried to stake his chest, but he dodged and managed to get a blow in on me.

I ignored the pain and kept fighting him until miraculously I managed to stake his chest, and he fell limp to the ground.

I dropped my stake as I dropped to my knees beside Dimitri, who was unconscious from the blood loss.

Guardians immediately came over, and lifted him. Two guardians supported his legs, and a couple more supported his upper half.

My mom ran over to me, and I was dimly shocked to see tears in her eyes.

"Rose, you're bleeding very badly. We need to get you to the clinic. Can someone help Rose over here?" She yelled somewhere else.

I didn't really care enough to check my own wounds; I was more worried about Dimitri.

"Dimitri—" I tried to say but she cut me off.

"Rose, you need to go to the clinic. Dimitri will be fine, I assure you." Yup. This was my mom, typically stern and serious.

Just then, I felt strong arms help me up. It was Stan. Suddenly, he was carrying me, taking me by surprise.

I wasn't _that_ wounded, was I?

He said a few words to Janine I didn't catch because I was slowly going unconscious.

He started running.

I blacked out completely.

* * *

I was awake a while later when I heard hushed voices around me.

My eyes were still closed so I forced them open. I recognized the room. I was in the clinic.

I heard someone sigh in relief. I looked over to my left and noticed Lissa and my mom sitting on the plastic molded chairs lined up against the wall.

"How long have I been out?" I croaked. I cleared my throat.

"A few days," My mom answered. "Lissa healed you."

"Wow…wait, you healed me, Liss?"

"Yes," Lissa answered this time, smiling sheepishly.

"I don't like seeing you injured that bad, Rose," she added, her smile gone.

They didn't say anything else and I didn't protest, like I normally would whenever she healed me.

The silence grew almost awkward.

I sighed. "Can I leave?" I asked but just then, Dr. Olendski strode in, smiling at me.

"Ah, you're finally awake, Rose. Glad to have you back." She said.

"Thanks."

"You have my consent to leave."

"Okay." I said, getting out of the bed and standing up. It felt a little weird standing after being in bed for so long.

Lissa fell into step beside me as we exited the room and into the hallway. "How are you, Rose?" She smiled a little. I grinned back.

"I'm great. But how are _you_ holding up?" As if I couldn't read her feelings already.

I just wanted to know from her personally, not just through the bond.

"I'm all right. Thanks." She smiled.

"How's the rest of the gang doing? Eddie? Christian?" I asked, curious as to what they've been up to while I've been unconscious.

"Well, why don't you ask them yourself?" She grinned.

We were at the cafeteria by this point, and once we walked in, people who were eating stared.

At a table in a corner not far where Lissa and I were, Eddie, Mia, Christian, Adrian, and even Jill, were sitting.

I grinned and ran over to them. It didn't take me long to reach them.

Adrian smirked hugely—typical of him—Christian gave me a huge smile—not typical of him—Eddie gave me a high five and a huge grin, Mia also gave me a high five, and Jill hesitantly hugged me briefly.

"Christian," I said in mock horror. "Have you turned emotional on me now?"

He glared and scoffed. "No! Of course not. You're still the same Rose, and nothing's changed. Geez."

There was a pause for about one second and we all burst out laughing.

I was surrounded by my friends, laughing and teasing, and I felt so glad.

It seemed like years since I felt like this.

When the whole Strigoi situation happened, everyone was tense and the atmosphere was gloomy and bleak.

Now it's as opposite of bleak as it could get.

Eventually, the crowd dispersed and people were off to do their own things. Christian lingered, of course, with me and Lissa.

But now, I needed to find Dimitri.

"Hey Liss, do you know where Dimitri's at right now?" I asked her when I could pull her away from Christian.

"Last I checked he was in the clinic, but I think he left by now. But you can search around," she suggested. I nodded, and left the cafeteria.

* * *

I decided to head to the small cabin that was just barely on campus. It was the place where Dimitri and I had finally given in.

My heart raced a little faster whenever I thought of that moment, because it had been perfect, so amazing.

Dimitri was mine, as I was his. He was my other half.

I knew that without even the faintest trace of a glimmer of doubt. It was nothing but the truth.

...

I finally arrived at the cabin—it was a long walk—and my heart was pounding by now.

I didn't know if he was here or not, but it was worth a try.

I walked in, and the room was as we'd left it before; the blankets tossed in disarray.

I tried to calm my pulse down but it was futile.

Nothing about this room could make me calm down; the very memory made my blood burn with desire.

It was one of those memories that I could never forget—never.

I was breathing heavily at this point, the desire very nearly overwhelming.

I walked over to the blankets and it didn't seem possible that my heart could race any faster, pound any harder.

The memory was clear; sharp with clarity. I was reliving it in my head...

I was gazing at the bed longer than was necessary—my mind full with the memories—when I heard the door behind me open.

It wasn't a loud sound but it startled me anyway. I spun, wondering who was here.

My heart was thudding audibly against my ribs, so much so it was almost painful.

I knew this face. I knew him without a single trace of a glimmer of a possibility of doubt. I'd long since memorized his face.

How could I forget? How could I dare forget?

Why would I _want_ to forget?

He walked in, shutting the door softly behind him. His brown eyes were filled with relief and so much love it made me ache—in a good way.

My other half had finally come. It felt like a reunion; as though we had been separated for long periods of time.

I was glad that wasn't true though; it was only a few days since I rescued him from that—

But I wasn't going to taint my thoughts by thinking of that horrible situation.

Instead, I gazed into his gorgeous eyes, drinking in his features.

It felt so incredibly _right_ when he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close to his chest.

My heart was beating a little faster than normal but not as hard as before. His presence seemed to calm it down just a bit.

After a moment of silently holding each other, he took my hand and gently pulled me to the several blankets that were in disarray.

He sat down, somehow managing to look graceful about it despite his long legs, and I sat next to him.

He wrapped his arm around me, pulling me closer against his side.

"Roza," he murmured in the sweet husky lightly accented voice that I loved. I smiled.

"You have no idea how glad I am to see you safe," he continued softly.

"You shouldn't have been anxious, Dimitri. I was fine, I am fine, but you were worse off than I was by far. You shouldn't waste your time worrying about me when you were the one who was really in danger." My voice broke at the end. I swore mentally.

Suddenly, he pushed me—not gently but not roughly either—against the blankets, so that his body was on mine, my back against the blankets. I felt my heart begin to pound again.

"Rose, you're underestimating how much I really care about you. You don't seem to grasp the concept of how deep my love is for you. You are everything to me, and I mean that in more ways than one.

"You understand me more than anyone else. It frightened me once; but not anymore. It merely amazes me at how much you learn, how much you understand, the things around you. When it comes to a dangerous situation, you grasp it quickly. I love you, Roza, in a thousand more ways than one."

I was speechless; which rarely happens. Two heartbeats later, I recovered and replied softly, "I love you too. More than you can possibly imagine."

"Somehow, you still manage to do that." He chuckled.

"Do what?" I asked, confused.

"What I convey in a whole speech you manage to convey in merely a sentence," he laughed again. I smiled and kissed his lips. I'd intended it to be brief, but somehow, it managed to turn into much more, which I didn't mind at all.

"Dimitri," I said breathlessly as he kissed my chest.

"Yes?" he answered huskily as I ran my hands through his hair. We were kneeling at this point, running our hands all over each other.

"Have I ever told you I love you?" I opened my eyes a little and saw him smile.

"I love you too, Roza, I can't describe how much. All I can say is that—"

"We belong together," I finished for him, still breathless. We were holding each other now; he was stroking my cheek, and I was tracing his chest.

He laughed softly. "Without a doubt," he answered, kissing my forehead. I smiled.

"Without a doubt," I agreed.


	2. Chapter Two

**A/N**

Thank you so much for the reviews!

I loved reading them. :) I'd like to clarify that—upon request—I will **not** make Rose pregnant.

I wasn't planning on it anyway, but apparently, there are a lot of stories that center on Dimitri not being turned, and Rose somehow getting pregnant.

_But_ I will **warn** you that this chapter has some major drama/tragedy.

You have been warned. Also, **PLEASE** read the ending A/N if you weren't planning to already. Thanks.

* * *

I didn't realize I'd fallen asleep until I woke up. I peered around the room.

I was still in the cabin. Naked. In Dimitri's arms.

I looked up at him and he was awake too. He caught my gaze and smiled.

"Did you have a good sleep?" he asked, pressing his lips to my hair.

I smiled. "If by 'sleep' you mean getting it on, then no, I did not have a _good_ sleep. It was much more than good. It was perfect."

"I mean 'sleep' as in closing your eyes and resting. And yes, it was perfect. I agree."

His arms tightened around me and my heart fluttered. "I love you," I murmured, utterly content and happy. It felt so right being in his arms.

He kissed my forehead. "I love you, Roza. Always."

There was a moment of comfortable silence. "I think we should get going before someone finds us…" he added.

"Yeah, yeah we should." I agreed.

I didn't want anyone finding us; especially a guardian…

I pushed the blankets off us and stood up. I glanced over at Dimitri and he was already standing.

He stared at me with a hungry look in his eyes. I grinned and pulled on my jeans and t-shirt.

He got dressed and we left the cabin, hand in hand.

Since first realizing I loved Dimitri, I didn't care that he was seven years older than me.

I never would care. I never wanted to be separated from him.

I couldn't bear being without him now. I pushed him against a tree and kissed his lips fiercely.

He wrapped his arms around me, tightly, and kissed me back just as fiercely.

He tangled his hands in my hair. When I pulled back a little and breathed against his lips, "Never let me go," I remembered a song I'd listened to once.

_And the arms of the ocean are carrying me! And all this devotion was rushing out of me. _

_And the crashes are heaven for a sinner like me. But the arms of the ocean delivered me._

"Never." He promised huskily and we kissed soft and sweet. My heart raced in my chest.

Finally, reluctantly, we had to pull back. I kept his hand, though, and stared into his eyes for a long moment. His eyes were filled with so much tender adoration that my heart ached—in a good way.

We started walking again, hand in hand. The silence was comfortable and oddly peaceful. I saw my possible future in my head—and liked it. It was a future I hoped to have.

Eventually, we had to part ways, since our love was a secret—and forbidden.

So I headed to my dorm and he headed back to the administration building where the guardians had their own rooms.

I smiled to myself as I thought of this day.

It was so perfect, so utterly _amazing_, that I didn't see what possibly could go wrong.

I should have.

It came out of nowhere; I couldn't react in time.

Something hit my head with an impact hard enough that I saw black dots dancing before my eyes. I fell, limp, to the ground, hip first.

I was slowly going unconscious; my eyes could barely stay half open. But it was enough. I saw what hit my head—rather, _who_ hit my head.

It was a dhampir. Looked like a guardian.

My last thought before everything went black was, _Dimitri…help me._

I blacked out.

* * *

I was conscious a while later when I felt pain in my arms and hands. My eyes snapped open, alert, and I noticed I was hanging, my feet above the ground.

I glanced at my arms, and I saw with horror that my hands were trapped in bear traps, my wrists bleeding. No wonder my arms and hands were hurting.

I tore my gaze away from the traps and suddenly met the eyes of a Strigoi. What the crap!

He smiled coldly. "Rose Hathaway. At last, we meet. But I'm not going to waste any time. I'm just going to get on with it. Since I can't use a stake, a knife will work almost as good." His cruel smile widened as he spoke. I was beyond horrified. I was sickened with fear and horror.

I dimly realized that I had no shirt on; I was wearing only a bra and jeans.

We couldn't be at the campus. No way. We had to be somewhere else; somewhere far away in a forest.

"Where are we?" I demanded hoarsely. He cut my arm with the knife and it took all my effort not to scream. I couldn't hold back a whimper, though.

"Shut up. You're not getting answers. The only thing I will tell you is that you're not at your pathetic school. Obviously." He scoffed.

"Hmm, perhaps a knife isn't as good as I thought. I have other weapons, of course. Hmm." He muttered.

My arm was cut, and bleeding somewhat, but it wasn't bleeding so much that I would lose consciousness immediately.

Clearly, this was a dhampir torture. I shouldn't have been surprised, since Strigoi were always cruel and evil by nature.

But I hadn't heard of this before in my life. Well, if it had happened, I'd guess they would be too freaked out to say anything to the guardians—if they had even _survived_.

Which, judging the scary-bad feeling bubbling up within me, was very possible. The Strigoi had probably planned all this; torture first, death later.

But there had to be some kind of reason why he was so intent on torturing me...

"I suppose I shouldn't start yet until he gets here. But it's too irresistible getting back at a pathetic dhampir and torturing her." He smiled cruelly at me.

The scary-bad feeling increased until it was almost choking me.

"Who's _he_?" I demanded.

"Oh, he's someone you know," he said smugly, still with that typical malicious edge. "I enjoy very much watching victims suffer. Your lover is almost here. Oh, this is going to be a pleasure." He chuckled, coldly amused.

I didn't understand for a half second but then it dawned on me when he'd said _lover_.

No. _NO! _

"Dimitri," I gasped; horror and dread filling inside me. "NO! LEAVE HIM _ALONE_!" I shouted. He slapped my cheek with enough force that it had to be bruised.

He smiled at my pain. I attempted to glare at him, but my face probably looked pained.

"Ah, he's here." He said; a sickening sort of glee in his voice.

"No," I whispered hoarsely. Three Strigoi were dragging the unconscious Dimitri.

They tied him up against a tree that was on the left side of the clearing.

They tied him with steel ropes that no dhampir could get out of no matter how much they tried.

"Wake him up," the leader Strigoi that was so bent on torturing me ordered the other Strigoi.

One of the three Strigoi slapped Dimitri, jolting him awake.

He caught my horrified gaze. I saw the horror and dread that was within me echoed in his eyes. The clearing that separated us wasn't a huge clearing.

"Now we can let the fun begin," the leader Strigoi said maliciously.

He grabbed his knife and, moving with lightning speed, slashed my bare stomach. This time, I couldn't hold back a scream. It was too much. The tears were flowing without a break down my cheeks, dripping onto the grass.

He slashed my legs, and continued on with the unbearable torture, earning a scream from me every time.

He stopped when he noticed I was weakened enough that I couldn't feel my legs.

Apparently, death was coming very soon.

"Now, I can bring out the gun," he laughed with malicious pleasure.

I could barely lift my head up to see Dimitri's expression. It was much more than horrified. It was….indescribable. I literally couldn't describe it. It wasn't merely pained; it wasn't merely horrified.

It was the face a man would wear burning in a fire. _Alive_.

"I love you," I mouthed, hoping he saw.

"Roza…" He mouthed back. "Don't...leave me…."

That last one was an unbearable whisper of pain.

It hurt me more than the Strigoi's blows had.

More tears came as I saw the Strigoi lift up the gun and aim it towards me.

But this time, I was ready. I lifted up my head—just barely—with a surge of determination that shocked me.

But that was _nothing-_NOTHING!_-_compared to what happened next.

"ROSE, NO, NO, NO, DON'T YOU _DARE_ LEAVE ME! _ROZA_!" He screamed, the agony in it searing through me. I could hear his faint sobs.

His agonized voice tore and ripped right through me, breaking my heart even more.

I hated this. I absolutely hated it.

But I never thought I'd give up. I had no other choice.

I was going to die either way.

The leader Strigoi rolled his eyes. "Like I said, pathetic."

He aimed the gun at me once more and triggered it.

Everything was going black again.

But suddenly, unlike last time, I knew without a doubt that I wouldn't wake up from this, because I was dying.

I was dying.

For just the shortest instant, I could tell that I was on the ground.

But now, I couldn't feel anything but the life fading out of me.

I never knew it would come to this. But then, how could I have known?

I didn't know that I was going to die because this morning had been so perfect; I was blind to anything that could possibly go wrong.

I was stupid to think that nothing bad was going to happen.

I was caught up in the moment. I was caught up in his smile; it had lingered in my head before everything changed.

I was clinging to life by my fingertips now.

I needed to live just a little longer so I can…

So I can…so…I…can…..

Dimitri…..

How could I….die?

How….could my whole world….die?

I…was barely forming a coherent thought….

My other half…..out there….somewhere…

_Love, don't leave me_…..

_I…can't…..give….up….._

_Dying has never felt so good…..life is harder; painful. _

_Suddenly, my life is flashing before my eyes._

Everything shifted then. At first, I was dying slowly.

Now it's flying by too quickly.

_I'm dying. _The thought of dying and then experiencing it is different.

The very thought of dying is agonizing. But suddenly, once you experience it, it feels oddly peaceful.

Like going to sleep forever.

_Forever….is a long time…._

The light was crashing down on me, and right before I departed, I saw Dimitri's face enter.

His face, streaming with tears, was an angel's face.

Like he was coming to take me with him to wherever I was going.

"Roza! Sweetheart, don't leave me! I can't let you go! Honey, please stay! Don't go!" his lightly Russian accented voice pleaded.

How could I stay when it was so peaceful now?

But how could I leave without him?

It seemed to go by fast and slow.

"Dimitri, never let me go…." I managed to whisper to him.

Then the life faded out of me.

* * *

**Dimitri POV**

I couldn't form a single coherent thought.

The pain, the agony, the grief, rushed through me.

I was holding Rose's lifeless body in my arms. Guardians had already come and killed the Strigoi.

It was too much. Rose was gone. _My Roza _was gone.

I couldn't bear this. It was _too much_.

"Roza! Sweetheart, don't leave me! I can't let you go! Honey, please stay! Don't go!" I begged futilely, pleading.

It was useless; she was already gone. I couldn't take this anymore.

I didn't give a care that the guardians were watching me.

I didn't give a care that I was supposed to do my duties.

I didn't give a care that what I was doing was forbidden.

I didn't give a care anymore about that law.

Rose was everything to me. She couldn't leave me.

NO! She couldn't let her life go so easily! She couldn't give up!

I was in denial; I was desperate. She was _NOT_ gone. She was just unconscious!

She was _NOT_ d-dead. I stuttered over the thought.

But suddenly, she managed to whisper something I could barely catch:

"Dimitri, never let me go…." Her eyes barely opened when she said that.

Then I saw the light fade completely out of her eyes.

They were blank, dead, staring at nothing.

I couldn't deny it anymore.

She was gone.

But she wasn't gone in my heart.

She's always _there_.

No matter how much I desperately wanted her—needed her—here beside me, I had to face the fact that she was gone physically from the world.

She was still by me, always, and it was never going to be the same. But she's still here.

And I couldn't move on. Not in that sense. I could never let her go. I'd promised her I wouldn't.

I knew she wouldn't want me to commit suicide. She'd want me to live a long life.

It was a heavy choice to make. And I was never going to love anyone else the same.

I knew that, at least, without a doubt.

I stood up, holding her body in my arms.

I nodded to Alberta as I passed her. "Knowing Rose, she wouldn't want a major funeral. I'm just going to bury her at the Court's cemetery." I explained to the guardians in a dead voice.

I could tell they were worried for me, but they nodded.

A couple hours later, Rose was buried under an engraved headstone at Court.

The writing said,

** Rosemarie Hathaway, 18, has passed but will never be forgotten. She is always remembered.**

She never even got to graduate. The emotions within me threatened to bubble over. But I was just barely strong enough to keep them down for a while.

Without a doubt, she wasn't gone.

She was still here, in spirit, in my heart.

So, for my Roza, I was going to keep holding on to what life I had left.

I loved her enough to give her that much. I'd give her anything she needed.

There was no doubt in my mind that she was watching over.

She's an angel, now. I almost—but not quite—smiled at the thought.

Her attitude had never been angel-like.

But I was lucky enough to have been given the chance to see into her soul.

Kind.

Caring.

Selfless.

Loving.

I wouldn't ever forget her. Why would I want to?

Without a doubt, I loved her.

**A/N **

I need to be honest. I wasn't actually planning on Rose dying.

Seriously. Honest to goodness, I _wasn't_.

But before you write a review saying 'Rose can't die! She's the main character of the story!' and yes, you're right. She IS the main character.

I'd like to remind you that I am the author of this fan fic (as if that wasn't obvious already; just a reminder) and I can make any character die.

I wouldn't blame you if you decide to not read this story anymore. That's your choice and I don't begrudge you that.

All I ask is that you know I'm the author and I can make any changes. Thank you. :)


	3. Chapter Three

**A/N**

The rest of this story is going to be in Dimitri's perspective **until further notice.**

I'm likely going to make Rose come back, but at this point, I'm not firm on that decision.

So in the meantime, it's going to be in Dimitri's POV. Thanks for reviewing on the last chapter!

Also, this chapter is basically focusing on Dimitri's emotions and how he's dealing with his grief.

Also, before anyone asks, Lissa already knows that Rose is dead; she's grieving too.

I'd have put that in the last chapter if I'd known where to put the scene in. :P

This chapter is going to be short, and not near as long as the last two.

Don't forget to review, thanks!

_{List of songs I'd listened to while writing the previous chapter}_

~**When You're Gone – ****Avril ****Lavigne**

~**Never Let Me Go – ****Florence + the Machine**

~**Concrete Angel – ****Martina ****McBride**

**~Shadow of the Day – ****Linkin Park**

**~Keep Holding On – ****Avril Lavigne**

**~River Flows in You – ****Yiruma **

**~Moonlight – ****Yiruma **

**~Kiss The Rain – ****Yiruma**

**~Far Away – ****Nickelback**

* * *

Lately, I'd been in a state that allowed me to continue with my guardian duties without showing the emotions that were always crashing like the ocean waves within me. It was much easier to keep my expressions smooth, composed, the way a guardian's expressions usually are.

But I didn't know how to smile anymore. I didn't have any reason to smile. At night, I'd lie in bed and succumb to the pain; let the tears flow.

I couldn't see any reason to live anymore, but I wouldn't dare break my promise. I had to hold on, for her; for my Roza.

Right now, I was in my room at Court. Not that it mattered much where I was at; the pain never eased or decreased no matter how far I'd go. I didn't bother trying because I knew it would be a futile effort.

I was emotionally dead. I could never find a way out of this pain. There was no way out, and there was no escape.

It was hard to think of her, but even harder to forget.

After what had happened, I was never alive. Not emotionally. I was fine physically, though, of course.

And Lissa was the only one who really worried. Because she understood how much I cared about _her_.

Lissa cared about her too, about as much as I did.

Occasionally, it seemed impossible to keep living, to keep holding on to what little life I had, but somehow, I kept managing.

I had to endure this unendurable agony. I was empty; just barely living.

It was like my heart was gone. But somehow, the world still goes on.

And I could—I should—do the same.

My angel was watching over me, and she was always here as if she was standing beside me.

She was forever burned into me, and even death cannot separate us for precisely that reason.

If it weren't for that reason, and for the promise, I would not be able to go on.

Love changes people. Breaks people. Shapes people.

If it's the right kind of love, if it's real, and once you connect with that person, there's no going back.

Forever embedded into your heart and soul, they're never forgotten.

And my love for Rose is real. It's changed me, broken me, and shaped me.

And I'm not going back. Even if I could, I wouldn't.

My angel continued to watch over me as the weeks passed.


	4. Chapter Four

Weeks passed, months passed.

The agony eased up after several months, and I'd already grieved.

But that didn't erase the emptiness; the nothingness that was my life. Meaningless, you could say.

I was barely holding on, barely alive, and I still had moments where the pain came back to haunt me.

I had dreams of my memories of her, and then I had nightmares.

I couldn't handle the nightmares. In my nightmares, it was like she didn't exist; like she was gone and passed.

The nightmares were just an echo of my life.

"Dimitri, you need to get a hold of yourself!" Viktoria snapped.

I was back home in Baia, Russia. I was taking a long break from my guardian duties.

Not that I decided that. Alberta Petrov—the captain of the Academy's guardians—ordered me to take the 'well-deserved' break.

I was on the couch, reading a western novel. I looked up at her. She was irritated.

"What are you talking about?" I placed my book down on the coffee table.

"Rose is _gone_. You can't waste your life like this. Like your life is nothing. You need to let go. You're holding on to her. I can tell. It's not healthy for you to be like this. I know Rose was everything to you but she's already gone,"

I narrowed my eyes but didn't say anything.

"Dimitri, they're worried about you! Mom and Karolina and Sonya! Though they won't say anything, of course, it's always me who has to say something.

"Dimitri…I-_they_ hate seeing you like this. You have no idea how much it's…it's hurting them."

I stood up and placed my hands on her shoulders. She shook them off. "Viktoria, I will be okay, in time. Don't waste your time worrying about me; I will be okay."

"I'm not worrying about you. _They_ are." She said defiantly. But it was a half-lie. I could see the worry in her eyes.

"Viktoria, don't lie to me. You know it won't work."

"Why would _I_ worry about you? You're going to be fine, eventually, right? Why should I have any reason to worry? I mean, it's not like what I say or feel is import—" She abruptly stopped, pressing her lips together, as though she said too much.

I started to say something but she stormed off, not giving me a chance to speak.

For the first time in a very long time, I was feeling. Granted, it wasn't a positive feeling, but it was still something.

I felt _worried_. I hadn't felt worried about anyone in what seemed like forever. What was wrong with Viktoria?

Was she insecure? It seemed like she was; it would explain what she'd said.

But what was the reason behind her possible insecurities? I found myself pondering this.

I supposed I could go talk to her, find out what was wrong.

I headed up the stairs. I knocked on her door. "Viktoria?"

"What?" She demanded hoarsely, as if she'd been crying.

"Can I come in?" I asked softly.

"Fine."

I walked in and shut the door behind me. She was on her bed, sitting against the wall. She shared a room with Sonya.

She didn't look at me as I strode across the room; she was glaring at the ceiling.

I sat down next to her, my back against the wall. "What's wrong, Viktoria? You know you can tell me anything."

She didn't say anything for a long moment. "Dimitri, you don't understand. I don't know if I can explain it right. But ever since you finally came home, everyone paid attention to you, hung on your every word, and I can understand that, since you haven't been home for, well, for a long time. But it continued on through the week, everyone focused on you. I wasn't irritated at first; I understood the reasons behind it. For a while, it was nice—normal. Well, as normal as it gets around here.

"And then one day, I asked Mom if she would hang out with me, mother-daughter kind of thing, and her reply was: 'Viktoria, I can't. I'm busy with other stuff, and I'm going to spend the day with Dimitri. We can hang out later, okay? I promise.' I was a bit disappointed, but she promised, and I would have my day with her later.

"But as the days went on, Mom was still hanging out with you, laughing at whatever you said that was funny, and the more I watched, the more I realized that she wasn't going to spend the day with me. She said later, but she must have forgotten.

"So I asked Karolina if she wanted to hang out with me, and she replied, 'Sorry, Tori, but I'm spending the day with Dimka, maybe later.' I was a little more than disappointed, but somehow, that didn't upset me as much as what happened next did.

"Everyone—Sonya, Mom, Karolina, Paul, even grandmother—hardly noticed my existence. They were focused on you more than they noticed me. Don't get me wrong; I'm not one of those girls who are obsessed with attention. But it was like I was…half-invisible. Like what I wanted didn't really _matter_." Her voice broke at the end, and she didn't say anything else. I thought I saw tears glisten in her eyes but she looked away before I could make sure.

I was quiet; absorbing her words, trying to understand.

Suddenly, in that moment, I realized that we were both emotionally scarred. Granted, her scars could heal unlike mine.

Suddenly, I found myself gripping my baby sister's arms and pulling her close until I was hugging her, my arms around her.

I felt the urge to comfort her; to make her feel better.

"Viktoria," I began softly. "What you want _does_ matter. You're not invisible; you're not even half-invisible, to me and to them. Mom and Karolina and Sonya care about you as much as I do. I'm one hundred percent sure they weren't ignoring you. Mom doesn't pick favorites and you know that. We all love you, Tori, no matter what you do, or what you say. No matter how sensitive or dramatic you are sometimes," She rolled her eyes. I smiled and continued. "We still love you."

"I am not dramatic!" She protested stubbornly.

"You're right. You're not dramatic. You're _melodramatic_." I chuckled. She grumbled and pulled away, annoyed. I stood up and started to walk out the room.

"Hey, where are you going?" She asked. I was confused. I turned back to look at her.

"I'm just going out into the hall. Why?" I asked, a little warily.

"Because it's your turn."

"My turn for what?" The confusion increased.

"It's your turn to express _your_ feelings to _me_. The tragedy with Rose," she explained softly. I flinched slightly. "It had to have left some mark on you. But I want to know all the details so I can…I can comfort you. I owe you." She half-smiled.

"You don't owe me anything, Tori." I said calmly, seriously, but my heart was aching with the almost-forgotten pain.

"I owe you, Dimka, because you comforted me when I didn't deserve it."

I didn't say anything. I turned away from her and left the room. I heard her protests, but I didn't listen.

The truth was, I couldn't explain what the tragedy had done to me to _anyone_. Not even my own family. It was impossible to put into words.

"Dimitri, wait! Wait for a minute," Viktoria insisted behind me. Then she planted herself in front of me, a determined expression on her face.

Now _I_ was annoyed. Some part of my mind pleaded, _She doesn't understand, so_ _cut her some slack. _

"Viktoria—"

"Listen to me, Dimka, please! I listened to you, so it's only fair that you listen to me."

"I _did_ listen to you, Viktoria, when you expressed your feelings, remember?"

"It's the same thing, only reversed. I'll listen to you and then, once you've shared your feelings, you would listen to _me_. I can comfort you. I _want_ to comfort you." She explained.

I was struggling to stay calm. I had to somehow convince her that what I had been through was not something that I could put into words.

"Viktoria, what I went through several months ago is _not_ something I can put into words. It's much more complicated than that."

"You can try," she insisted. She was so stubborn it reminded me of Ro—pain shot through me at the very thought of her. I tried to push the thought out and succeeded. Pain to this degree was almost impossible to handle.

"Viktoria, stop it! I'm not talking about it because it's _impossible_ to put into words! Just leave me alone." I snapped, my control torn and ripped to shreds. I turned and walked away, back upstairs.

This time, she did not follow me.

I walked into my room, and shut the door with a little more force than was absolutely necessary. I took five deep, slow breaths.

Trying to calm down; trying to release the anger and irritation.

I lay down on my bed. I very much regretted yelling at Viktoria. It was stupid of me. It was more than stupid; I wasn't thinking straight and that was wrong. She must be hurt and upset right now. I wouldn't blame her if she was.

I thought about apologizing, but I figured that would somehow end badly too.

Even if I could get up right now and apologize to her, how would I say it? 'Viktoria, I'm sorry' didn't sound right; it wasn't enough. And even if it was enough, would she forgive me? That was up to her, of course, whether she would forgive me or not.

I wanted to call myself all sorts of names—half of them not appropriate at all—but I knew that wouldn't make any difference.

I'd made a bad choice, and I had to—

The door slammed open suddenly, revealing Karolina, my eldest sister. She looked distressed, worried, upset, stressed, whatever, and I immediately jolted out of my bed, already on my feet, tensed and ready for a fight.

"Dimka!" She cried, flinging herself at me, and sobbing into my chest. Karolina was never the 'damsel in distress' kind of woman. She was a strong dhampir who simply chose to raise her children rather than become a guardian, much like our mother had.

"Karolina, what is it? What's happened?" I demanded urgently. I was ready for whatever the problem was.

But I was _not_ ready for what she said next.

"Dimitri, Viktoria ran away and got captured…by Strigoi." She sobbed more into my chest.

I was frozen with an odd mix of shock and fear. It was more than I could comprehend.

Viktoria, my baby sister, was trapped in the Strigoi's lair.

Viktoria, the one who ran away possibly because of me, was probably facing horrors that Strigoi always brought with them.

Viktoria was in utter danger.

Viktoria was probably facing torture.

I knew what would be inevitable if I didn't act soon—very soon—and save her from the malicious, merciless Strigoi.

Her...death. Her death would be inevitable. The thought was beyond horrifying.

It was never going to end, it seemed: all the troubles and afflictions I've faced.

I felt a sudden fierce determination. I _was_ going to save Viktoria. I _would_ save her.

I wasn't going to let the same thing that happened to…to Rose happen to my baby sister.

The Strigoi better watch out because I, Dimitri Belikov, was going to stake their hearts out.

No Strigoi would dare to mess with me once I was through with the Strigoi that trapped my baby sister.

I was _going_ to save her. I _would_ save her.

She's family, and I loved her.

What would I risk to keep the ones I cared about safe?

Everything. I'd risk everything to keep them safe.

**A/N**

What did you guys think of this chapter? Review your thoughts! Thanks(: OH and I loved reading your reviews on the previous chapter;

They made me smile :)


	5. Chapter Five

**A/N**

Yeah this chapter is kinda short :P Hope you like this chapter, and don't forget to review! Thanks :)

* * *

**Previously on Without a Doubt—**

"_Dimka!" She cried, flinging herself at me, and sobbing into my chest._

"_Karolina, what is it? What's happened?" I demanded urgently. I was ready for whatever the problem was._

_But I was __**not**__ ready for what she said next._

"_Dimitri, Viktoria ran away and got captured…by Strigoi." She sobbed._

_I was frozen with an odd mix of shock and fear. It was more than I could comprehend._

_Viktoria, my baby sister, was trapped in the Strigoi's lair. _

_Viktoria, the one who ran away possibly because of me, was probably facing horrors that Strigoi always brought with them._

_Viktoria was in utter danger._

_..._

_I felt a sudden fierce determination. I __**was**__ going to save Viktoria._

_I __**would**__ save her. I wasn't going to let the same thing that happened to Rose happen to my sister._

...

_What would I risk to keep the ones I cared about safe?_

...

After finding out that Viktoria was in the clutches of the Strigoi, I wanted to go down there immediately, despite my guardian instincts telling me to plan ahead, instead of going down there recklessly.

Those instincts warred with my protective-brother instincts.

So we had to find out where they were holding her, and then we had to strategize.

It unnerved me; I didn't like inactivity. It made me impatient.

But I kept my guardian mask in place, listening to every suggestion the group of guardians made. They'd come down as soon as I told them the urgent news. Well, I told Alberta and she sent them down.

I'd had to wait twenty-four hours for their plane to land; and another fifteen minutes for them to arrive here.

It was maddening.

"Look," I said as calmly as I could manage. "We can't waste much more time. We already know where they're holding her, and we can't expect that things will go smoothly."

They exchanged glances for a long moment. Then one of the guardians said: "Belikov, you're right. But we need to prepare—"

That was it. I stood up and gave them all a cold glance.

"I'm going to go rescue Viktoria. If you guys want to lag behind and waste more time with unnecessary preparations, then go right ahead. But I'm going to save my sister with or without you guys."

I walked out the door and headed to the Honda. I got in and started the engine.

I raced out of there with my thoughts focused one thing and one thing only:

Saving Viktoria.

* * *

**A/N: I'd said that the story would be in Dimitri's POV until further notice. Well, the next half of this chapter is in Viktoria's POV. Just thought you'd need to know. Read on! ;)**

* * *

_~Viktoria's POV~_

I couldn't escape.

I was in the clutches of the Strigoi.

I was tied up with bands that I couldn't break through, in a chair, in a dark room with no light.

But with my dhampir senses, I could just barely make out the shape of the room.

I was scared; they hadn't done anything to me…yet.

I just barely woke up after being rendered unconscious. I knew I was captured by the Strigoi because right before they knocked me out, I caught a glimpse of their face, and all Strigoi had the same red eyes…

Just a glimpse, but it had been enough.

Then the door opened suddenly, causing me to flinch. The Strigoi came in, smiling coldly.

He strode up to me, and stroked my cheek, my neck. I shivered at his cold touch.

I glared, wishing I could slap it away. "You're a beautiful dhampir. And I've seen dhampir women; they have nothing on you." He smiled again.

I said nothing, even though a large part of me wanted to scream expletives at him.

But an even bigger part told me to stay quiet and keep calm.

And then the Strigoi leaned down and sank his fangs into my neck—feeding.

My instincts screamed in protest but the endorphins a Strigoi's bite carried—a thousand times stronger than a Moroi's bite—filled me with pleasure and contentedness and an overall positive feeling….

This had to be heaven...because all was right in the world...

But then some of the feelings faded and I realized dimly that he'd stopped drinking. "No, more…" I mumbled; a goofy smile on my lips.

"Oh, you'll get more; I want to go hunting, so someone will be here. See ya," he smirked, and was out of the room before I could blink.

The all-was-right-in-the-world feeling started to fade completely and I started to get my senses back. What the crap? I must be slowly going insane! Why would I _ever_ want a Strigoi to bite me?

Some part of me whispered, _It's the endorphins_. _They make you feel the highest degree of pleasure, and it lingers long after the bite._

My situation really sucked right now. Not that it was ever good from the beginning, but what I was feeling made it even worse.

Because, despite some of my senses coming back to me, and granted they were coming back very slowly, I wanted more. The feeling was addicting.

I swore mentally and under my breath.

I didn't _want_ to become an addict!

But then again, I didn't want to _be_ in this situation in the first place.

Until help came, I was helpless.


	6. AUTHOR'S NOTE

**Author's Note *NOT AN UPDATE* **

On the last chapter, I read a certain review that someone posted.

The person who'd posted the review wanted me to bring back Rose somehow.

Let me clarify something:

I'm still not ready for Rose to come back.

And that's _if_ I want her to come back.

Currently, the story is just focusing on Dimitri and how he's managing to live without Rose.

That's how I want to be: Dimitri's survival without Rose.

I'm sorry if you don't like it that way, but it's the way I want it to go. (so far.)

Sometimes, when I write a fanfic, I change the direction the story was originally headed—like Without a Doubt, for example.

I wasn't _planning_ on killing Rose off, killing the main character off, but then an idea popped in my head, and it took off from there.

That happens sometimes when I write.

I suppose it happens to authors too—not just fanfiction authors. I'm sure you know what I mean by that. ;)

Anyway, overall, I'm **firm** on my decision to _not_ bring Rose back.

I can't tell you if there's a 'yet'. I doubt there is a 'yet', but who knows?

All up to me, I suppose hehe. :D The fate of Dimitri's heart rests in my hands…or mind. Hahaha! XD

I hope you guys still continue to read Without a Doubt! :)

If you don't want to continue reading, then…well, thanks for reading when you did. :P

_**~VampireAcademyForever95~**_


	7. Chapter Six

**A/N ***_***PLEASE READ****_

Okay, so…I've been thinking recently about writing a follow up story to this one because at this point, Without a Doubt is most likely going to end with Dimitri still without Rose.

But he'd be more able to bear the crap that life throws at him, because he'd be stronger and all that.

Who knows if I will though? I change my mind very easily when it comes to writing, though, as you may know.

So, **you have been warned **just in case.

But if or when it does end that way, would you guys want me to write a follow up story? **Thoughts** please when you review! Thanks. :D

Also, I'm sorry for not updating in a while;

I'll try to make this chapter as long as I can. Thanks for putting up with me and my slow updates. :)

Enjoy!

~Sarah~

_CHAPTER 6 _

I finally found the place where Viktoria was being held.

I got out of the car and ran up the steps and inside—the sun was out so I didn't have to waste time with a Strigoi guard—and immediately staked the first Strigoi.

I staked several Strigoi on my way to save Viktoria.

I opened each door to each room in the warehouse as I attempted to find Viktoria. After opening almost every door, I finally found her room.

I ran in there, immediately fighting the Strigoi, and this one put up a bit of a fight before I finally managed to stake him.

I untied Viktoria and swiftly lifted her into my arms—even if she wasn't nearly unconscious, I still would have carried her—and carried her out the room and jogged down the hall to the only exit I could see.

Luck was on my side so far; no Strigoi tried to get in my way. I made it to the Honda and placed Viktoria in the passenger seat, and buckled her in. I swiftly walked around to my side. I got in and raced out of there, not caring that I was speeding. I needed to get out of there.

On the way home, Viktoria stirred, not quite unconscious, not quite awake. I glanced over at her quickly, but it was enough for me to notice that her neck was wounded; the Strigoi must have fed on her. I swore mentally, and my hands tightened automatically on the wheel.

Suddenly, a picture of Rose flashed through my mind.

The pain was nearly unbearable. My chest ached with the crushing pain; it nearly choked me.

It took _a_ _lot_ of effort to focus on the road and not crash.

Eventually, finally, we made it home; I parked the car in front of the house and got out. I walked around the car and opened her door; she was awake.

She stepped out, already having unbuckled. She trembled, and tried to take a step forward but she managed to trip somehow, and I automatically caught her before she could fall.

I shut the door with my foot and held on to Viktoria. "Are you all right?" I breathed, worry and concern almost overshadowing the pain. Almost.

She shook her head and clung to me tighter. "No. No, I'm not all right. I'm freaking _scared_. Dimitri, I…I'm afraid…I'm so…sorry…it was my fault…I can't…I can't….handle…."

She was crying, tears streamed down her face as she looked up at me with haunted eyes.

I pulled her close, hugging her tight. I wasn't just worried for her; I was scared. I was scared for her.

She was my baby sister, and I hated anything that caused her pain or fear.

"We'll make it through this, Viktoria," I promised fiercely. "I'm always here for you. _Always_."

She smiled a little; just a hint of her dimples showing. "Thanks, Dimka. You're the best."

I nodded. "Let's go inside." I said and she nodded.

As soon as we walked through the door, my mom and Karolina and Sonya cried at the same time, "DIMKA! TORI!" and then they dropped whatever it was they were doing and ran up to us, hugging and crying; their relief was nearly palpable.

"Mom, I'm okay now! Karolina, I'm okay; Sonya, oh my gosh, I'm fine! Whatever stories you heard aren't true." Viktoria said, exasperated. We were all crowded at the front door. I slid out, attempting to give them some room.

After the hugging and crying was done, it was inevitable that there would be questions.

But before that happened, something I'd noticed earlier was still bothering me.

"Tori, can I look at your neck? See if there's any possible wounds that the Strigoi might have inflicted on you." I said calmly. She'd already subtly brushed her long brown highlighted hair so that it covered her neck. But I'd noticed.

"Um, Dimitri," she said slowly, as if she thought I was crazy. "I think we basically covered the fact that I am okay. You're probably just overreacting the way you normally do." Her blow-it-off attitude annoyed me immensely.

"Tori, just please let me see your neck," I urged. She was injured; I knew she was. I'd noticed it. I took a couple steps toward her. Karolina and Sonya gave me a questioning look. Tori backed away a couple steps.

"Dimitri, stop it. I. Am. Fine." She glared, angry. I caught my mother's gaze and she was confused like Karolina and Sonya.

But she trusted my judgment, so she told Viktoria, "Tori, let Dimka look at you. Just in case."

Viktoria was shocked. "But mom—"

"No buts." She was firm. Viktoria half-sighed half-groaned.

I took a couple more steps. I gently brushed her hair away from her neck.

I was right. The Strigoi had definitely fed off her. My sisters and my mom gasped, horrified.

"I'll go get a damp cloth and the first aid kit," my mom said and rushed off. Karolina and Sonya were aghast.

"Viktoria, why would you lie to us? Why would you say you're fine when really, you're wounded?" Karolina demanded, still shocked.

Viktoria was starting to tremble. "I wanted things to go back to the way they were, okay? I didn't want to think of what happened!" She exclaimed.

"Even so, Viktoria, you're injured, and you should have told us right away." Sonya chastised gently.

"Humph."

"We just want to take care of you, Viktoria, because you're family, and we can't stand to see you hurt." Sonya said softly.

Mom came just then and took Viktoria's hand and pulled her gently to the couch. She started working on her wounds. My cell rang just then and I answered it.

"Dimitri Belikov."

"Belikov, come back to the Academy now. You've had a long enough break." This was Alberta's voice.

"Okay, I'll catch the nearest plane. Goodbye."

"Okay. Goodbye, Belikov. See you soon." She disconnected and I did the same.

"I need to go." I told my family. They nodded, understanding.

"Come back, though, soon, okay?" Karolina requested, smiling.

"Yeah, come back soon. Don't stay away too long this time." Sonya agreed, grinning at me.

"I'll try." I promised. Viktoria didn't say anything, and she didn't meet my gaze. Her lips trembled and her eyes closed. Karolina and Sonya hugged me.

I waved and started to cross the threshold when I heard Viktoria shout,

"You'd better come back! Or I'm going to come down there and drag you back!"

_Good luck with that one_, I thought, amused.

I smiled and shouted goodbye. Then I crossed the threshold, and headed to my Honda.

As I got in the drivers' seat, I noticed Karolina, Sonya, my Mom and Viktoria—her neck was bandaged, I could tell—all waving toward me.

I grinned and waved back before starting the engine.

Today was a weird day. Hardly any problems with the Strigoi; actually, there had been more problems with the emotional situations than the physical ones with the Strigoi.

My life was not any easier; more like it was easier to carry the burdens that life threw at me.

I headed to the airport with warm feelings bubbling within me.

* * *

A few days later, I was back in Montana, driving up the road that led to the Academy's gates.

It felt good to be back. I slowed as the gate got closer.

The guardian on duty grinned at me and opened the gate. I parked the car in the Academy's guest parking lot and walked through the gate, heading automatically to the administration building. It was autumn.

"Dimka!" a female voice called. I turned and saw Tasha Ozera—Christian's aunt—grinning at me as she jogged toward me. "You're finally back," she said happily, still grinning.

I smiled back. "Hey, Tasha. How have you been?" It was nice to see my old friend again.

"I've been fine, despite the fact that the guardians keep rejecting my request." She frowned slightly.

"You've been requesting a guardian? But you can take care of yourself. You're a great fighter." I complimented her. She smiled hugely, her eyes lit up like the Fourth of July. I thought that was a bit much, but then again, I knew she had feelings for me.

I couldn't—I didn't—return those feelings.

Because even though Rose was passed, I knew she was never really gone. And even…dead—it was almost impossible to think that word, let alone say it—she still had a part of me that Tasha could never have.

Tasha didn't…_understand_ me as much as Rose did.

She was an amazing friend, though, one of the best I've ever had. And we've known each other a long, long time.

"Thanks. But it'd still be nice to have a guardian nonetheless." She shrugged. "Oh well. I've been doing okay anyway. How about you, Dimka? Was it nice up there? I heard your sister got captured...is she okay? Is it true?"

"Yeah, it was true. But I saved her, and she's fine. As for Russia, well, it's always nice." I smiled fondly to myself, thinking only of the good memories I had this past week.

"Yeah, Russia sure is beautiful, from what I've heard, since I've never been there myself. The views, I hear, are breathtaking, am I correct?" She smiled.

"Yeah, they're _incredible_. Like nothing you've ever seen." I smiled again. My smile faded as I thought of something. "Have you talked to Christian?"

"Of course I have. Why?" She asked, perplexed.

"How is…Lissa holding up?" It was strangely hard to say Lissa's name, seeing as how she was Rose's best friend…

She frowned, and her forehead creased in worry. "Christian told me she's coping, and she's doing much, much better than she was several months ago. She still misses her, of course, but she's handling it much better now. _She_ would want Lissa to be happy. And Lissa's trying. She is trying so hard. It hurts to see her try that hard." She sighed.

I sighed quietly. "I feel bad for leaving Lissa to go visit my family. I should have stayed; I should—"

"No," she interrupted gently. "You needed that break. Seriously, Dimka, if you hadn't taken that break—or if it wasn't an order and it was just a suggestion—you wouldn't be here talking to me right now. You'd likely be in your room, moping. I don't want to anger you—I really don't and please don't take this the wrong way—but you need to let go of Rose."

I started to protest but she held up a hand. "Let me finish. You need to let go of Rose, without forgetting her of course—I'm not stupid; I know how much she meant to you—but I mean letting go as in, not holding on to her. You're spending most of your energy holding onto her, that you've probably forgotten what it's like to really _live_. I hate seeing you so torn, so depressed; it hurts me, Dimka, it really does. I…well, I love you. I know you know that, and I know you don't feel the same.

"But if you could let go of your hold on Rose, and stop wasting your energy on holding on to her, then you might be happier and you could live—truly live—again. All I want is for you to be happy. Okay? I love you enough for that. Even if it means I can't have you, I love you _enough_ that I want that."

I shouldn't have felt surprised that she meant that sincerely; utterly sincerely. Her honest words took me by surprise. I didn't know whether or not I should accept them.

_Roza would want you to. She'd want you to be happy,_ a part of me suddenly whispered. I flinched mentally. I hadn't thought about Rose's Russian nickname in what seemed like forever.

In the same instant of wondering whether or not I should accept her words, I made my decision.

So now, I took Tasha's hand, staring into her icy blue eyes and said, "Tasha, I want to…to at least _try_. I want to _try_ letting go without forgetting her. You're the only one who can help me because you're the only one who really has a chance of understanding. She'd want me to try moving on. Tasha, I want to try having something…_more_ with you. I'm sure you know what I mean."

She was silent for a moment, reading my face, but then she murmured, "You don't have to do this for me."

I shook my head. "I'm not doing this for you. I mean it. I really mean it. Like I said, I want to try to let go without forgetting her. It's impossible to forget her." My voice slid into a whisper at the end.

Because, even though it was never going to be _enough_, even though I would never—_never_—love Tasha nearly as much as I loved Rose, I knew I had to try.

I wanted to truly _live_ again.


	8. Chapter Seven

**A/N *Please read* (read especially the ****side note**** below the A/N)**

I'm so sorry for not updating in a super long time! I have been really busy this past week, I just got back from camping recently, and some other things kept me from writing, like, my family reunion for one, which was a couple weeks ago, and procrastination for another...

Well, anyway, I'm probably going to end this story at chapter eight or nine. It depends, though. Well, don't forget to review at the end, and tell me what you think! Thanks :)

~Sarah~

***Side Note***

**There is some…heavily dramatic scenes in this chapter. Harsh criticism is **not **tolerated. Constructive criticism is of course **always **welcome and much appreciated! Thanks.**

_Chapter Seven_

Tasha and I were dating.

It was only official to us, though. So no one knew we were dating.

We were living at the Royal Court now, since graduation had already come and passed.

Time seemed to go by both fast and slow lately. But that was fine; it made the nights more bearable, the days a little easier.

I was in my room, reading a western novel, when it happened.

I lounged on my bed, my back against the headboard, my ankles crossed. I placed a bookmark in my spot and set the book down. I had a lunch date with Tasha soon, so I had to get ready.

I started to stand, but when I looked up, I saw a figure standing there, right at the edge of my bed, and I knew who it was immediately, though I didn't believe it. How _could_ I believe it? I froze; shocked.

She was flickering and I could barely see her form. But that didn't mean I believed what I was seeing.

Rose stared at me wistfully.

I couldn't breathe; my heart faltered several times before it continued beating unsteadily. Whatever expression I wore on my face was stuck there; frozen just like the rest of me.

Her expression twisted a little more, like she was worried or scared. She opened her mouth, apparently trying to speak, but no words came out that I could hear. She winced at something I couldn't see.

Her eyes seemed as if they were shimmering; like they could produce tears. I had to be hallucinating, because I wasn't shadow-kissed. Those were the only ways a dhampir could 'see' ghosts….

No. I wasn't crazy. This wasn't happening. I shut my eyes tightly for a long moment, willing the image of her transparent appearance to evaporate. Come on….

I opened my eyes a little—feeling like a complete idiot when I saw that she disappeared. It had to be a hallucination. It had to be.

But then the once-familiar pain that was so bad, so painful, and so unendurable, came rushing back all at once. It was agonizing.

I hadn't felt this much pain since…since the day _it_ happened.

I could hardly bear to think of her—I could only think her name; I didn't dare allow myself to picture her—but it was impossible to forget her.

After a few moments, I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

I stood up a little shakily but nothing I couldn't handle. I looked at the mirror, and was almost startled at my own expression.

I fixed it so it looked neutral and calm. Then I walked out of the room.

After eating lunch, Tasha took me to her room. I didn't protest because I knew I was stronger than her if she tried to make love with me—which I didn't want, especially with her.

I only agreed to try dating Tasha for my own sanity—not because of her. I wanted so desperately to move on without forgetting _her _and this was the only solution I could think of.

We were in her room by now, and I sat on the couch across from her bed while she sat next to me.

"I love you, Dimka, more than you know." She smiled and leaned up to kiss me.

I kissed back automatically, instinctively, but I felt nothing.

There were no fireworks, or sparks, or anything. Nothing but nothing.

Then I felt her straddling me and my eyes snapped open in shock to see her with no shirt on; she was wearing only a bra and jeans. My eyes darted to the floor and back. Her shirt was tossed on the floor. Clearly, she misunderstood. I pulled back as gently as I could and she opened her eyes, breathing heavily.

"Tasha—" I began.

"Dimka, I always wanted to kiss you! That was the most amazing thing I've experienced. It was….wow. My feelings were all over the place." She chuckled wryly.

"Tasha, I'm not going to do it with you. I'm not going to make love with you." I said firmly and seriously. She frowned. Disappointment flashed in her eyes, but then eager determination replaced it quickly.

"You'll be fine, Dimka! Really, it's going to be perfect because I love you and you love me. We're meant to be together, Dimitri, and I can't imagine anyone else but you. I love you." She said softly, and kissed my lips softly but quickly. Before I had to push her off, she fortunately got off my lap.

But then she stripped off her jeans, leaving her in a bra and underwear.

"What are you doing?" I said through clenched teeth. I had a weird feeling. It wasn't good, but it wasn't exactly bad either.

She smiled seductively at me. "What do you think?" she purred. I gritted my teeth, extremely annoyed and irritated.

I stood up and headed to the door but she grabbed me and kissed my lips passionately inserting her tongue. That was it.

I jerked away, and glared at her. Before I headed out the door, I said to her without looking at her in a barely-calm tone, "I'm going back to my room, and I'm going to be rethinking our relationship. I'm not breaking up with you tonight because I know better than to break up with you out of anger and frustration. I prefer to think things through.

"I will let you know my answer within a few days or so, and we'll go from there. Goodnight, Tasha." I stood there for a minute, and she didn't say anything. I glanced back at her, and she was already dressed. She shut her eyes and took a deep breath.

"I understand. I shouldn't have tried to make you do something just because I wanted it. I shouldn't have seduced you and made you uncomfortable. I'm willing to give you your space, because I would have wanted the same thing." She murmured; her eyes still closed.

"No, you wouldn't," I told her softly. Her eyes snapped open, shocked. "I know you well enough by now, Tasha, that I can tell when you lie." I walked out then, back to my room.

I cared about Tasha. I've known her for a long time. She was one of the few people I was casual with. I could trust her. But there were complications.

She was in love with me, but I couldn't reciprocate those feelings. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't. I'd attempted a relationship with her, but that obviously didn't work out.

I knew if I tried to force the relationship to somehow work, it would backfire. Suddenly, I knew my decision. I had told her a few days at the very least, but my decision was already clear.

I told her I'd let her know, and I was going to do that tomorrow. It was time to sleep, and that was probably a good idea anyway; sleep it off and make sure I wasn't being rash about this decision. I was planning on telling her in the morning anyway. I got ready for bed and fell asleep shortly thereafter.

**XXXXXXX**

I woke up the next morning, and after a few minutes of lying there, I knew my decision was clear and carefully thought through. I stood up and got dressed, slipping on my duster, and that's when it happened.

I was getting ready to go outside when _she_ appeared. I froze with my hand on the doorknob, staring at her. She looked horrified, and worried about something.

Rose's lips trembled as she stared at me with a scared expression on her face. She looked over her shoulder as if something was chasing her, and her mouth opened as if she was trying to say something. I wasn't breathing. My heart faltered and then continued to beat very unsteadily.

But then she opened her mouth again, as if trying to speak, and she managed to say in a very, very faint whisper, "_Help me, Dimitri, I'm scared. They're trying to—AHHHHHHHHHH_!" she screamed suddenly, and I flinched at the sudden volume. She was fading quickly, but she stared at me with a desperate and frantic look, and she actually shouted,

"_HELP ME DIMKA! They're winning, and I can't fight much longer! They're trying to keep me away from you! Dimitri—AHHHH NO! DIMKA HELP ME! AHHHH_!" She screamed in agony, and the sound of it tore at my heart, agonizing me.

"How could I help you! YOU'RE NOT REAL!" I exclaimed desperately and frantically. I was already going insane; I might as well talk to my hallucinations.

She was fading faster and whispered, "_You're not hallucinating. I love you so much and we're together no matter what, Dimitri, would a hallucination talk to you? I'm not giving up on you…I need to see you….help….me…our love is endless, and I can't give up. I won't give…up_…" She faded completely, leaving me even more broken and damaged than ever before.

My knees buckled and I fell to the ground, on my knees, sobbing. The pain was too much; my heart couldn't take any more of it. I wanted so desperately to die, to see her again, even if it was just for a moment, an instant. I couldn't take this anymore!

I wanted to erase the pain, make it go away. It was an endless torment I lived with for months. And now it seemed to be too much; it all came rushing back on me ten times worse than the day she left me.

I carefully stood up, and took my stake and gripped it in my hands. I was unable to go on anymore. I was unable to deal with the pain any longer. I knew Rose would be extremely pissed at me, but I just couldn't handle it anymore.

The weight of the agony was too much to bear. I lifted my stake with shaky hands above my chest, to the place where my heart was. I was about to stake myself when I heard a voice scream,

"_NO! DIMITRI, DON'T YOU DARE! YOU ARE GOING TO SURVIVE, DON'T KILL YOURSELF_! _Please, don't, honey! It's not worth it_!"

It was only her voice this time; it seemed to come from nowhere, because she was nowhere to be seen. "I'll be with you, though, and I don't care where I'd go, as long as I'm with you." I'd already accepted my insanity. There was no point in denying it.

I lifted the stake again, right above my heart, and didn't hesitate this time.

I stabbed my chest, and this kind of pain was surprisingly easier to bear the other kind of pain. I was dimly aware of lying on the ground. I was dying.

Losing consciousness quickly and steadily, I pictured my Roza while I lay dying.

I felt a peaceful feeling settle over me, and I felt like I was floating. It was a good feeling.

Suddenly, I found myself standing in a completely white cloudy room. I looked down at myself and I was wearing my duster, and jeans, the same clothes I wore when I killed myself.

I glanced around the clean room, looking for Rose, and she appeared, literally out of nowhere.

She stared at me wistfully, with an infinitely sad look in her eyes. She wasn't transparent or ghost like in any way whatsoever. She was definitely a dhampir. She wore a white gown with straps, and was barefoot.

She was my _angel_. She had always been my angel.

Silence grew between us. I took a step towards her, awed, but she held up a hand, stopping me.

"You shouldn't have done what you have done, Dimitri." She chastised, and she crossed her arms over her chest.

"I couldn't bear it anymore. It was too much. I _needed_ you, Roza. I—"

"Don't. Don't give me that. You have absolutely _no_ excuse to _ever_ commit suicide. There is no good reason for it. No rational reason for it. You have no idea how many people you left behind that you hurt by personally committing suicide. Have you even thought about your _family_ when you did it?

"No, I don't think you have. They are miserable because of what you did. Your mom, your sisters, and your grandma are all hurting because of your choice to leave them for a very stupid reason. Do you know what Viktoria tried to do? Your _baby sister_?" She glared at me.

My eyes widened. "What did she try to do?" I whispered. But Rose said nothing, still looking at me with scolding eyes.

"She tried to…kill herself?" I gasped. She nodded once. "She shouldn't have tried that. She would have hurt our mom even more, and Karolina, Sonya…"

Rose rolled her eyes. "Are you even _listening_ to yourself? I thought you were smarter than that, Dimitri. I guess I don't understand everything about you then. I'm kind of disappointed in you. I love you, but you should have thought about the consequences when you made the choice to hurt your family."

"I didn't—"

"You made the choice to commit suicide," she interrupted me sharply. "And so therefore, you made the choice to hurt them. Whether it was intended or not, you still did."

I shut my eyes, knowing that she was right. A couple minutes of silence went by and I said quietly, "You're right. I should have thought of them. There's really no excuse for my actions, no matter how much….pain I felt. I love you, Rose, so much. I _can_ live without you, and I should never have done what I did. I didn't realize what I was losing. Now I know.

"You have no idea how much I regret what I did, and how much I wish I could go back, even if it means I can never see your beautiful face again. I am willing to sacrifice that much if it means I can go back. I love you so much and it's enough that I'm willing to let you go."

I felt a tear slide down my cheek as I sifted through my words. I really and truly meant what I'd said. I opened my eyes to see her smiling. She was crying; tears were streaming down her cheeks.

\Suddenly, a huge light appeared around her, and she was engulfed in it. The room seemed to be spinning around me, and I saw bits and pieces of my life flash before my eyes—literally. I saw how my life changed since I first met Rose.

I saw all the moments I've had with her, good and bad, and how she was always there for me, and I was always there for her. Suddenly, it ended, and I saw the room fade away into black, and I was alarmed. Where was Rose?

I wanted to shout her name, but I couldn't seem to move my lips to. I was moving farther and farther away from her, and from the white room. It was a dizzying sensation.

A couple moments later, I found myself falling, and my back hit a hard floor. I grunted at the impact, and it took me several moments to take in my surroundings.

I was in my room, and the stake was on the table before I'd picked it up. I felt extremely exhausted, and something was nagging at me to go to sleep. I could hardly keep my eyes open. I forced myself to stand up and flop on the bed. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was asleep.

**XXXXXXX**

I heard voices around me when I woke up.

"Is he okay? He's been asleep for hours."

"I'm sure he's fine. He's breathing so he's not dead. Thank goodness."

I wasn't sure who spoke; I felt extremely disoriented. I shifted, and I heard someone sigh—in relief? I didn't know. I wasn't quite awake yet.

I sat up and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. I yawned massively. Then I saw who had spoken.

"Hey, comrade," she said, grinning. "You were asleep for over three days."

I must have looked confused because she sighed and added, "Seriously, you were exhausted. You must have stayed up all night or something. No one knows exactly the reason. I just came in here and found you snoring." She grinned again, amused.

I wasn't confused because of that. Of course not. I was confused because I was wondering why Rose was standing in my room, alive and breathing.

"No, that's not why I'm confused. Why are you alive?" I asked, frowning.

"Why am I alive…? Well…because Janine Hathaway hooked up with my dad and gave birth to me….so…here I am…." she remarked, smirking.

"No!" I exclaimed, standing up. "That's not what I meant either. For crying out loud, you were tortured and killed by a Strigoi! I even buried you myself. How are you…alive?" Don't get me wrong. I was extremely overjoyed that she was alive. It's just the confusion kind of overshadowed my joy for the moment.

"Oh, _that's_ what you're talking about! Yeah, I don't know either. I know I was dead, that much was true, but it's baffling everyone that I somehow came back from the dead without Lissa's spirit. Obviously, that's not the case, because that's an instant thing. She has to actually be there to bring me back. And she wasn't.

"Plus, I was dead for several months, right? Yeah, like I said, it's baffling everyone. It's astonishing. But I guess after the couple days I've been alive, the shock wore off a little—just a little. It's really astonishing."

"Yeah, like Rose said, everyone is confused and shocked. It's so baffling that no one can even speculate on how she came back. Not even the people that always gossip." Lissa said quietly but seriously. "Um, well, now that he's awake, I'll leave you two alone. See you later, Rose." She smiled at Rose, and left the room shortly thereafter.

I sat down slowly on the bed, trying to take this all in.

But as I looked up at her face, her beautiful face, the joy squashed the confusion. The realization finally sunk in: Rose was _alive_. My Roza was here, living and breathing.

I smiled at her, my joy almost too much. I reached over to her, grabbed her hand, and pulled her gently beside me. We lay against the bed, and I wrapped my arms around her, kissing her hair, her cheek, her jaw, and then her lips. She kissed back passionately, and ran her hands through my hair.

I tangled my right hand in her luscious hair that I loved, and I kept my left hand at the small of her back. She shifted so she was on top of me. She straddled me, and ran her hands over my chest; she pushed my shirt up and over my head and tossed it.

She trailed kisses down my chest, making me moan. I shifted so I was on my knees, and hastily took off her shirt. We were breathing heavily.

I kissed her chest, letting my tongue slide across it, and she moaned. I lifted my head back to her lips, and kissed her hard, letting my tongue explore her mouth, and she did the same.

I took off her jeans, and tossed it across the room. I was overcome with desire and so was she. She took off my jeans, tossed them, and we were almost completely naked.

I slowly slipped my finger under her bra strap, taunting her as I slowly slid it off; she let out a small moan, and hastily slipped off her bra, and her underwear. She was completely naked. I quickly took off my boxers, tossed them, and pushed her down on the bed, getting hot and heavy.

I pushed into her and when she groaned, "More," I ran my hands over her body, squeezing her chest, and hitching her leg around my waist. I kissed her mouth hard, our tongues colliding again, while I touched her and squeezed her, and pushed into her. I skimmed my lips over her body, letting my tongue slide across her chest, her stomach, and further.

She ran her hands in my hair, down my chest, and further; I moaned at her touch. I sucked on her chest, and she moaned, the sound of it feeding more desire into me. We kept going and going, touching and squeezing and moaning, until we were sweating so badly we were drenched.

I tugged the covers around us, since we were naked, and kissed her hair. We breathed heavily, and we just lay there, trying to calm our pulse. "I missed you, Roza, so much, it physically hurt. I love you more than you can imagine." I said quietly but intensely.

"I can't imagine spending my life with anyone but you. You're my other half, Dimka, and I love you so much I can't express it enough." She murmured, resting her head on my chest. I smiled, and kissed her forehead gently.

"Without a doubt," I agreed. She looked up at me, and smiled. I kissed her lips, and it was a gentle and sweet kiss it ached—in a good way.

Now that I had Rose back, there was absolutely _no_ way I was letting her go again.

For the next who-knows-how long, I was going to be overprotective of her.

I couldn't deal with losing her twice.

So she was going to have to put up with my protection.

There was not a single trace of a glimmer of a possibility of doubt in my mind that I loved her. She had my heart since the day I met her. She's brave, kind, selfless, loving, caring, sarcastic, and funny, how could I not love her?

Of course, those were only but a few of the traits that made up Rosemarie Hathaway and only but a few reasons why I loved her.

She was truly my other half, and forever mine as I was forever hers.

**A/N**

Since I decided to make Rose come back, I'm kinda unsure if I want to continue with the follow up story. I only thought of the idea because of the possibility that I wouldn't let Rose come back.

But now that I have...well, I want your opinions and/or suggestions. Should I continue with the follow up story, or not? Let me know what you think!

I look forward to reading them :) Remember, any suggestion or idea you make will **never**be shot down or outright refused. I am **always** open to your ideas. :) Thanks! 3

~Sarah~


	9. Chapter Eight

**A/N**

This is the last chapter of **Without a Doubt**! Thank you _so_ much for reading this story, and leaving your lovely reviews!

You're all amazing truly. I hope you like this chapter, and please don't hesitate to review at the end. Thank you!

I really, truly, honestly enjoyed reading your reviews :) Also, go vote on my recently added poll, it has to do with the follow up story. ;)

~Sarah~

_Chapter 8 _

**Rose POV**

I couldn't describe my feelings accurately.

It felt like heaven in Dimitri's arms. I was happier than ever, and it felt so right here, so safe and secure.

I didn't think about the complications; my thoughts were too hazy with happiness to dare think about that.

It was a perfect feeling. I sighed happily, and cuddled closer to him. I felt his arms tighten around me and I smiled. He kissed my hair.

"I love you," I murmured simply. It was, of course, nothing but the truth.

I loved Dimitri. We were bonded together, and we were meant to be together. The truth of my words was overwhelmingly sweet.

"I love you too, Roza, always."

"Forever," I agreed. I lifted my head to kiss his lips. The kiss was soft and sweet and so filled with love it ached—in a good way.

This moment felt so right, so perfect, I almost cried with joy.

I'd missed the moments like this. I never wanted to be separated from him again. He was truly my other half.

We had a strong connection and understanding with each other, how could we _not_ fit together?

"I don't want to be without you ever again." I stated softly but firmly. "I couldn't bear that…distance again." I mentally shied away from the experience. It wasn't something I liked to think about.

He cupped my face in his hands, and said, "You were never gone, Roza. You were always with me. Always. You had—and you still have—a part of me that I could never erase. You're burned into my mind forever. Nothing—not even death—could change that. You're forever a part of me."

I was speechless—which was rare for me. A couple moments of comfortable silence passed.

"You're right," I said finally. "There's nothing that can truly tear you apart from me. We're never really apart. Not even death could do that." I smiled and kissed him. I threw my arms around his neck.

This kiss wasn't as soft and slow as before, but still just as sweet and tender. It was literally impossible to imagine my life without Dimitri. Once he came into my life, there was no going back. We altered each other forever.

I wouldn't want to go back, anyway. Dimitri was mine, as I was his. Without a doubt, he loved me as much as I loved him.

Our hearts were intertwined and we understood each other perfectly. Without a single doubt, he and I were partners, dedicated to each other, and to serving the Moroi. We were deadly guardians with a fierce protective nature.

We were guardians meant to protect the Moroi. We were guardians meant to fight together.

We didn't like being inactive—it was instinctive for both of us—but we enjoyed these kinds of moments, being with each other. Our story isn't over, but I personally thought these moments were my kind of happily ever after. People talked about us all the time, often negatively, but I didn't care. I was happy where I was. In Dimitri's arms, I felt happiness like nobody's ever experienced.

No one could ever take away what we had; not even death. We were bound together.

When I was around him, I was happy. We had something _no one _could ever erase, despite their efforts. People tried to bring us down, but we were stronger than them. Our love made us stronger.

I hoped one day people would remember us.

Not for selfish reasons, of course not, but for the hope that two people could experience something like what Dimitri and I had.

It was an incredible and powerful love, and I could only hope people could remember us for that: our love gave us the strength to beat death.

I wasn't afraid of facing anything that came my way. I had Dimitri by my side, and knew we could overcome anything that tried to break us. I mean, honestly, if we could overcome death, we can overcome _anything_.

I believed that wholeheartedly. We weren't invulnerable, but we had the power to beat anything that tried to take us down.

Our love was _that_ strong.

"You know I'm yours." I stated the obvious. I was his. Always.

"I know," he smiled and wrapped his arms around me once again, and I felt that powerful magic flow through my veins; not the kind of magic like the Moroi had, but the kind of magic that only true love can bring you. It was _exhilarating_.

We had an unwavering, unbroken love. No matter what anyone did or said, they could _never_ break our love. It would be a futile attempt.

We've been through everything together, and we survived. We'd looked death in the eye, and managed to overcome that. Our love was literally forever.

"Without a single doubt, you're mine." I said simply. I smiled up at him.

"Without a doubt," he agreed, kissing my head.

I wouldn't trade this moment for _anything_. The happiness I was feeling couldn't be measured.

I knew that as long as I had Dimitri by my side, I could weather anything.

Like I said, we were _bound_ together, as partners and lovers. Forever and always. Without a doubt, we loved each other.

My heart ached so good with all the happiness I was feeling.

"I love you." I told him again, and squeezed his hand. He squeezed back.

"I love you, too, Roza. Without a doubt, I do."

I smiled, my heart aching tenderly and sweetly.

It was unquestionably clear that Dimitri was my other half. I could feel that knowledge burning within me.

The sparks always flew between us, always. I adored this feeling, almost addicted to it.

Now, as I was thinking of our future, I knew we had many obstacles to face. But we would face them together.

_Of course_ we would face them together.

**A/N**

**Thank you for reading Without a Doubt! I am so grateful for you guys and your amazing reviews! You guys are awesome, seriously, and I appreciate your kind words and enthusiasm. :) I'm pretty eager to work on my next fic, and I hope you'll read it once it's published. Thanks so much again :) You're all so wonderful and kind and I appreciate all your suggestions and constructive criticism. :) **

**xoxo ~Sarah~**


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